Hi mum. I’m lying on the sofa, it’s windy and cold outside. I’m thinking about you, as I often do. Thinking of the conversations we never got to have, the things I’d like to ask you or to get your opinion on. There’s so much I didn’t know about you. And you about me. That loss of knowledge and experience is as sad and hurtful as the physical loss of you. You were also the only person in the world that knew some things about me, my life, our life together and so now you’re gone, those memories are fading too. I’m trying to remember everything about you, the things I saw, the things I knew and the things you never spoke aloud but were clear to see if someone took the time to really look. I wish things had been different. I wish I’d been different. A lesson learned too late. I miss you mum. I yearn for a loving mother - daughter relationship and to share my life with you. I’m sorry I let you down. I’m sorry life let you down. I love you mum, now and in every lifetime xx